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Saturday, December 4, 2010

Episode 8 or Shepard Vs. Shepard - This is War

I'm Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite photo on the Citadel.

There have been some great games that let you customize you hero, from choosing their sex, class even their origin story!  There has never been a game that has cause such a split over character creation like Mass Effect.  What seems like an every-game decision of male-or-female has turned into a long standing battle of "My Shepard could shoot your Shepard from 500 yards!" and "My Shepard can crush you with biotics while shooting you with a hand cannon...plus she has boobs!"

She may have curves, but that doesn't mean she won't kick your ass (or shoot you in the face with a shotgun)!

So here we stand with the Irrelevant Gamer and his Relevant Wife on either side ready to debate. Who will you choose?

Irrelevant Gamer: First and foremost, ManShep is the standard for all Shepards.  Posters, trailers even the gamebox has ManShep all over it.  When you think of Mass Effect you think of 'John' Shepard.  He's a man's man.  Tall, strong, irresistible to the ladies (Ashley, Miranda, Tali, Jack, Morinth, Kelly...and the list goes on...) There is only one clear choice in Shepards.  You want the true Mass effect expirience, you go to the source: ManShep!

Relevant Wife: FemShep is the ultimate warrior. She exudes strength, confidence, danger, and sexiness; an extremely deadly combination. She is all this whether she is killing Collectors, reassuring a nervous Turian or Drell, or threatening to rip someone's balls off and feed them to a Krogan. For those of you who haven't played FemShep (shame on you!!) I've selected an introductory fan trailer that's is pretty darn close to my FemShep (mine's better of course).

So welcome to the battle and may the best Shep win!

IG:  A video, huh?  I don't need no stinking video!  Playing as ManShep comes very naturally.  A good guy with a mean streak!  Able to help entire species and still punch nosy reporters!  The Mass Effect film will feature a ManShep. (Matthew Fox?)  FemShep may make a better Renegade(SupaBitch) but ManShep makes the ultimate hero!

RW: The awesomeness that is FemShep can mostly be attributed to the superb voice acting oJennifer Hale. Without her voice FemShep would not be who she is. Ms. Hale puts a deep timbre into Commander Shepard that has a confident husky quality. You be come completely willing to believe that FemShep is the Savior of the Citadel, Destroyer of Saren, and the perfect love interest for an unassuming alien. This is not to say that ManShep (Mark Meer) isn't good. He does a fantastic job as well. However FemShep just has that certain something extra.

IG:  We could go on and on about the superior voice acting of both ManShep and FemShep, and trust me...it's freakin' fantastic voice work!  But the key to Shepard is the face!  Mark Vanderloo:

While you can endlessly customize your Shepard to look how you want, the true face of Shepard is and will always be his.  

RW: I should note that I've played ME1 twice (both Kaiden) and ME2 four times (2 Thane and 2 Garrus). I'm very much of the opinion that Kaiden is a whiny bitch and that the only acceptable mate for FemShep is a bad-ass alien assassin/sniper. Now ManShep does have a very good companion in Miranda (who I will fully admit is smoking hot) however it just goes to show how awesome FemShep is that she needs 2 bad-ass potential lovers. Oh and FemShep is so awesome she needs a special name. I am getting Siha tattooed on the back of shoulder in the near future :-)
Choices, choices!

IG:  And now we get to the best part: Hot Steamy Alien Sex!  Woooo!  Mass Effect is famous for its romance and sexual content (Remember Fox News ill-conceived SeXBox scandal?)  ManShep has the best choices when it comes to the ladies!  In the first one you can choose between Ashley and Li'ara.  Hotties!  Unfortunetly after romancing Ashley it turns out she is a worthless bitch...my only regret in playing the first one.  Mass Effect 2 however, gives you Miranda Lawson, played by the equally hot Yvonne Strahovski!  
Yeah buddy.  But that's not all!  You can also romance the always topless Jack (How does she get those straps to stay??), the always enviro-suited Tali, and the effervescent Kelly Chambers...but to be fair FemShep can have Kelly too, because Kelly loves EVERYBODY!  To some up: Miranda's boobs.  'Nuff said. 

RW: FemShep has her own very nice boobs thank you very much! And now to seal my argument, my favorite FemShep moments in no particular order (yes ManShep can do some of this stuff as well, but it's just so much better when FemShep does them)
  • FemShep head butts a Krogan.
  • FemShep gets drunk on the Citadel and regains consciousness in the men's bathroom while an annoyed looking Turian is relieving himself.
  • FemShep is told by the Blue Sun recruiter that the strippers apply next door. She proceeds to take out her gun and tells the recruiter to show her his and she bets hers is bigger!
  • FemShep beats up the Shadow Broker.
  • FemShep gets a mating request on Turchanka.
  • FemShep wearing her dress from Katsumi's mission for the rest of the game. It makes kissing Thane and caressing Garrus that much better!

Well their you have it folks!  Now it's up to you to decide!  Over off to the side is a poll where you can tell us who you prefer to play with!  And that's the beauty of the game.  No matter if you are Man or FemShem, expect the experience of a lifetime with these two(and in the future more) games.  Play On!


IG: Always gotta have the last words, don't you?

RW: Yep.

Next Time: Review of Call of Duty Black Ops

1 comment:

  1. I have to say that I am really torn on this issue. I am all for equality of the genders, but I also like continuity in my franchises, be it video games, movies, or books. I see both points as valid. I guess if I was designing the next Mass Effect game, I would give players the option to make Shepard male or female, but I would continue the story as a male since that's how I played the first 2 games.