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Monday, November 29, 2010

Episode 7 or My Ultimate Game Playlist

Still Alive
Well fellow gamers, the festival of turkey has passed and the triptifane haze has lifted.  Time to get back to what we know and love!  GAMING!  This episode is all about music.  Specifically, the best non-instrumental music in video games!  These could be songs over the credits, used in commercials, etc.  Trust me, this list is rockin', funny, sad and everything in between!

NEWS:  It's almost December, and I stand waist deep in awesome games!  Seriously!  I need about 24 more hours per day to get my daily recommended allowance of Awesomeness.  Luckily, I am the largest source of Awesomeness outside of Barney Stinson, I get by.

GIVEAWAY!!!  That's right folks!  A real giveaway!  It doesn't happen very often, so lets get crackin'!  Here are the prizes:
Check out these Awesome wallets!
How do I win one of these awesome wallets?  It's easy!  All you have to do is e-mail me here: TheIrrelevantGamer@gmail.com and tell me why you deserve an awesome Gears or Halo wallet!  You have until Dec. 15th, so get to it!!!

Let's get to some tunage!  Here is The Irrelevant Gamer's Kick-Ass Gamer Music!  Woooooo!

1. Ladies and Gentlemen - Saliva (Playstation 3 launch ads)
2. Won't Back Down - Eminem feat. P!nk (Call of Duty Black Ops)
3. This is War - 30 Seconds to Mars (Dragon Age: Origins)
4. Ain't No Rest for the Wicked - Cage the Elephant (Borderlands)
5. Oh No You Didn't - N/A (Mercenaries 2: World in Flames)
6. Still Alive - Johnathon Coulton feat. GlaDOS (Protal)
7. Young Men Dead - The Black Angels (Fable 3 & Alan Wake)
8. The Poet and the Muse - Poets of the Fall (Alan Wake)
9. Mad World - Gary Jules (Gears of War)
10. Dead Man's Gun - Ashtar Command (Red Dead Redemption)
11. Heron Blue - Sun Kil Moon (Gears of War 3)

Bonus Tracks:
12. Johnny Guitar - Peggy Lee (Fallout New Vegas)
13. Children of the Elder God - The Old Gods of Asgard (Alan Wake)

Got any tracks I missed?  Email 'em!  TheIrrelevantGamer@gmail.com!


Last Week, Bioware dropped a confusion bomb on us gamers and announced a new project...but no details! Noooooo....we have to wait for the Video Game Awards on Dec. 11th. (Announcement posted on this blog, just scroll down!) Sigh.  Well, Bioware heard our frustration, and started releasing clues disguised as QR codes.  Scan the codes and binary code appears.  Translate the binary and get your clue!  I, in my infinite awesomeness and generosity here give you the translated clues:
1. -128.5°F
2. 55.845
3. http://www.sis.gov.uk/output/sis-home-welcome.html
4. http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_oKEAgVG2Vik/SZLgNLdLcYI/AAAAAAAAAks/ocWoCxxe4wQ/s1600-h/%5BAllCDCovers%5D_the_clash_the_singles_2006_retail_cd-front.jpg

What the hell does this mean?  Who knows!  Here's what I think it means:

1 = Coldest temp. on earth (Vostok, Antarctica)
2 = Mass of Iron
3 = MI6 homepage
4 = The Clash The Singles album cover

All this together, with the snippit of video, all seems to point to a Mass Effect Prequel!  Specifically First Contact War!  Lost?  No idea what I'm talking about?  You don't belong here!  Go read a blog about how the government is using gummy bears to control the elderly people of Peru to take over the world!

How did I get to this conclusion?  It's pretty easy actually.  Vostok is a system in Mass Effect.  Irons Periodic Table lable is: Fe.  Translation: Mass Fe!  I was confused about the British SIS page until this last clue dropped: The Clash.  The SIS page is the welcome page.  Puth the two together, and you get Welcome Clash!  FIRST CONTACT WAR!!!!  Yeah!  You heard it here first!  More clues and speculation to be posted as they happen.

Next Time: ManShep Vs. FemShep - The Mass Effect Civil War(With commentary by the Relevant Wife)

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Episode 6 or How My Wife Kicks My Butt in Both Wii and Kinect Boxing

Daisy, Daisy Give Me Your Answer Do...

Yes, I have finally gotten my hands on the new Kinect for Xbox 360!  Over one million have been sold in only 10 days!  It's pretty safe to say that this is THE Christmas gift this year.  After a few hours with it, I can see the potential that Kinect(formerly Project Natal) has in the gaming world.  It's a wonderful product and a lot of fun, but can and will be so much more!  The opening salvo that was the Kinect launch titles were loaded with a whole lotta 'Eh.'  One bright spot is KINECT SPORTS, but we'll review that at a later date.  One thing I can't seem to get over, is the fact that now my 360 is staring at me.  It has a creepy HAL thing going on.  Luckily, I had the foresight to avoid connecting it to the life support system.

The device itself is pretty easy to set up and get working, providing you have enough space.  It's pretty cool...when I start up my Xbox, it scans me, then signs me in automatically.  Note: as I have the only profile on my Xbox it signed me in automatically before, but that's besides the point.

Here's some news about this here blog!  As the awesome author is doing a bit of moving around in the next few weeks, and by bit I mean 'Holy s#!t!  I'm moving to Europe!'  You might think this means the end of the Irrelevant Gamer...Oh nay nay!  With Dragon Age 2 and Gears of War 3 dropping next year, and GamesCom 2011(The E3 of Europe!  And it's public!!)happening in Cologne, Germany(Not 4 hours from where I will be), I will have a lot to cover.  These full Episodes will be further and further apart, but I will keep posting as diligently as I can!

With Call Of Duty(Hehe...doody) Black Ops dropping last Tuesday, I'm here today to give you my CoD Online Etiquite!

* If you have yet to hit puberty: SHUT UP!  Don't speak...ever.  Nobody likes squeakers.
* If you have to swear, be creative!  When talking about excrement, change animals!  Horse is better than bull.
* When playing on a team, and you happen to be leading the team in kills, don't start yelling at your team telling them you are doing all the work...they will kill you.
* Defending a target is NOT CAMPING!
* If someone get a great kill on you, congratulate them by killing them back...not sending hate messages.

So I'm sure you are all wondering about the title of this Episode.  How does she do it?  Why would you admit this?  Well first of all, I have no problem getting beat in a video game by another gamer.  Second, she CHEATS!!!  Yeah, that's right!  I'm calling out the Irrelevant Gamer's Relevant Wife!  How does she do it?  How does she cheat at Wii and Kinect Boxing?  Well, any NORMAL person would block, weave, duck and jab playing boxing.  But not my wife!  Nooooo.  She speed-bags it.  All she does is raise her hands and swing as fast as she can!  She doesn't box...she flails.  And she wins.  Everytime.  You'd think I'd learn...nope.  Sigh.

And so another Episode comes to a close.  What's that?  I didn't review a game?  Gasp!  Don't worry...a review of Assassins Creed Brotherhood is coming later this week!

NEXT TIME: Worst Games I Payed Money For!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Episode 5 or Why Peter Molyneux Hates Chickens

Kicking chickens isn't funny.  It's f*cking hilarious!

NEWS: Here we are...knee deep in the 2010 gaming season, and the big names keep dropping.  Some more surprising than others: Medal of Mediocrity, Star Wars: The Clone Unleashed and seriously out of left field: Better-Than-The-N64 GoldenEye!  Thats right!  The Wii now has a premium FPS!  Activision finally takes a beloved title and gives it the care it so rightly deserves!  Based around the film, instead of the game, GoldenEye removes Pierce Brosnan for Daniel Craig, and revamped everything to tailor it to Craig's brusing, anti-gadget Bond.  Full on review to come(hopefully) in the next few weeks!

IGN.com has declared Mass Effect 2 to be the greatest Xbox 360 game of all time.  This is no suprise to me, the guy who's wardrobe is made by BioWare...I love them so much!  I think that for Dragon Age 2, I'm just going to give them my bank account number...

Congrats to the American League Champion Texas Rangers!  If a team going through bankruptcy can make it to the World Series, there is hope for the Brewers yet!

Anyone who has played the Fable titles knows about the chickens.  Flightless poultry whose job is only to make us laugh as they are punted across the screen.  And so, The Irrelevant Gamer proudly presents:


* No Chick-Fil-A in England
*A chicken touched him once in a very bad place 
*The chickens represent America(He was quoted calling Americans chickens because most of us play as good characters)
*The chickens, like, represent the little guy.  And the boot, is like, the MAN, man!  Down with the Establishment!
*Chickens are just plain evil!
*A chicken once stole his high school sweetheart
*Chickens are tasty...Peter Molyneux is not
*Peter Molyneux is in fact several chickens dressed as a man because they were spurned by the poultry community

I could go on...but let's get to that review!!


"What kind of rubbish game lets you kill the villain in one blow?" - The Gamer Geeks in FABLE3 

  Its good to be the king!  Words to describe this gem of a game from LionHead and Microsoft Studios.  The Road to Rule is a long and winding one at that!  With a main quest line that takes about 20-25 hours, more if you want to do everything, it's a great action/adventure game worthy of the name FABLE.

The game begins pretty quickly, as you and your awesome mentor Sir Walter, flee the castle after your brother, King Logan does some pretty despicable stuff.  Suddenly you find yourself as the last of the Heros, beings who can control the forces of strength, skill, and will(magic).  You are now destined to bring Logan down and rule all of Albion.  Aye, but here's the rub: Will you be a benevolent ruler who cares of the poor and downtrodden, or will you become a tyrant and oppress the populace?  

Playing through as a good guy, I noticed this game has some pretty good moral choices.  Some more black and white than others.  I can't wait to jump in as a total douche bag!  Kidnapping people and selling them as slave labor, closing an orphanage to open a brothel are just a few of the shady choices one can make.

And then there is co-op!  A broken idea in FABLE 2, this time around, instead of a Hero and his/her henchman/woman, there is now two Heros!  Each with their own dog, weapons and tactics!  Become buisness partners and pool all your land and gold together.  Or go all the way and get married and start a family online!  Don't worry about the kids, you can hire a nanny while you are out debauching the place up!  The co-op can be a little buggy, but word is that LionHead has a team readying a patch as you read this.  None of the bugs or glitches have really affected my game play, mostly visual glitches of pie dough floating a foot off the table and off to the right, that sort of thing.  Even with the bugs and glitches, the co-op is vastly superior to FABLE2s.  

PROS: Great story about revolution and sweet new creepy villain!  Co-op is a must try!  New flourish kills bring cinimatic style to the title.

Cons: some minor bugs and glitches, but nothing that can't be patched at a later date.  Friend quests are a bit blah.

GRADE: FABLE III: 8.5 and my Seal of Awesomness!

Well kids, that's all for this episode!  Remember to comment on games you would like to see reviewed that are not World of Warcraft and/or Final Fantasy games...I hate them so much!

NEXT TIME:  Proper chat etiquette while playing Call of Duty.  Hint: Use lots of swears!