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Thursday, November 4, 2010

Episode 5 or Why Peter Molyneux Hates Chickens

Kicking chickens isn't funny.  It's f*cking hilarious!

NEWS: Here we are...knee deep in the 2010 gaming season, and the big names keep dropping.  Some more surprising than others: Medal of Mediocrity, Star Wars: The Clone Unleashed and seriously out of left field: Better-Than-The-N64 GoldenEye!  Thats right!  The Wii now has a premium FPS!  Activision finally takes a beloved title and gives it the care it so rightly deserves!  Based around the film, instead of the game, GoldenEye removes Pierce Brosnan for Daniel Craig, and revamped everything to tailor it to Craig's brusing, anti-gadget Bond.  Full on review to come(hopefully) in the next few weeks!

IGN.com has declared Mass Effect 2 to be the greatest Xbox 360 game of all time.  This is no suprise to me, the guy who's wardrobe is made by BioWare...I love them so much!  I think that for Dragon Age 2, I'm just going to give them my bank account number...

Congrats to the American League Champion Texas Rangers!  If a team going through bankruptcy can make it to the World Series, there is hope for the Brewers yet!

Anyone who has played the Fable titles knows about the chickens.  Flightless poultry whose job is only to make us laugh as they are punted across the screen.  And so, The Irrelevant Gamer proudly presents:


* No Chick-Fil-A in England
*A chicken touched him once in a very bad place 
*The chickens represent America(He was quoted calling Americans chickens because most of us play as good characters)
*The chickens, like, represent the little guy.  And the boot, is like, the MAN, man!  Down with the Establishment!
*Chickens are just plain evil!
*A chicken once stole his high school sweetheart
*Chickens are tasty...Peter Molyneux is not
*Peter Molyneux is in fact several chickens dressed as a man because they were spurned by the poultry community

I could go on...but let's get to that review!!


"What kind of rubbish game lets you kill the villain in one blow?" - The Gamer Geeks in FABLE3 

  Its good to be the king!  Words to describe this gem of a game from LionHead and Microsoft Studios.  The Road to Rule is a long and winding one at that!  With a main quest line that takes about 20-25 hours, more if you want to do everything, it's a great action/adventure game worthy of the name FABLE.

The game begins pretty quickly, as you and your awesome mentor Sir Walter, flee the castle after your brother, King Logan does some pretty despicable stuff.  Suddenly you find yourself as the last of the Heros, beings who can control the forces of strength, skill, and will(magic).  You are now destined to bring Logan down and rule all of Albion.  Aye, but here's the rub: Will you be a benevolent ruler who cares of the poor and downtrodden, or will you become a tyrant and oppress the populace?  

Playing through as a good guy, I noticed this game has some pretty good moral choices.  Some more black and white than others.  I can't wait to jump in as a total douche bag!  Kidnapping people and selling them as slave labor, closing an orphanage to open a brothel are just a few of the shady choices one can make.

And then there is co-op!  A broken idea in FABLE 2, this time around, instead of a Hero and his/her henchman/woman, there is now two Heros!  Each with their own dog, weapons and tactics!  Become buisness partners and pool all your land and gold together.  Or go all the way and get married and start a family online!  Don't worry about the kids, you can hire a nanny while you are out debauching the place up!  The co-op can be a little buggy, but word is that LionHead has a team readying a patch as you read this.  None of the bugs or glitches have really affected my game play, mostly visual glitches of pie dough floating a foot off the table and off to the right, that sort of thing.  Even with the bugs and glitches, the co-op is vastly superior to FABLE2s.  

PROS: Great story about revolution and sweet new creepy villain!  Co-op is a must try!  New flourish kills bring cinimatic style to the title.

Cons: some minor bugs and glitches, but nothing that can't be patched at a later date.  Friend quests are a bit blah.

GRADE: FABLE III: 8.5 and my Seal of Awesomness!

Well kids, that's all for this episode!  Remember to comment on games you would like to see reviewed that are not World of Warcraft and/or Final Fantasy games...I hate them so much!

NEXT TIME:  Proper chat etiquette while playing Call of Duty.  Hint: Use lots of swears!

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